


Over you

by keylimebye



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:20:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27380104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keylimebye/pseuds/keylimebye
Summary: Seungmin was totally over his ex, Changbin. At least he needed to look like he was.Or, Seungmin drunk texts Changbin and pretends to date Minho to fix it.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Past Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin - Relationship
Comments: 11
Kudos: 84





	Over you

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, this is a story i've been working on for some months now and I hope you guys really like it. I was inspired after watching the half of it because it really showed how insecurities can affect relationships and there are not a lot of Seungmin centric fics. This means a lot to me, so I hope you guys enjoy it.

Seungmin was a lot of things. 

He’s smart, witty, responsible, and freshman student representative. He studied well and had a close friend group that he wouldn’t trade for anything. He was respected and well liked but not the kind of well-liked that his roommate and best friend Hyunjin was. 

Hyunjin was the so-called “Heartthrob” of their university. With his raven, floppy hair, bright, clear eyes that crinkled whenever he smiled, his godly body proportions and on top of it all unfair dance talent, Hyunjin was highly sought out for. 

Seungmin was more of a side character. He was cute and puppy-like but he was much more reserved. He liked to have his fun, but he knew his limits. Sometimes he preferred to stay at home and have a movie night with Hyunjin rather than go out and party. 

Out of all the things he was though, Seungmin was not okay. 

Here he was, snuggled up to his friend Felix on the couch of his older friend Chan’s apartment singing his heart out to Dua Lipa’s “Don’t Start Now.” He was on his fourth, maybe fifth? drink of the night and he was already pretty drunk. 

Seungmin had three modes when he was drinking. When he was tipsy, he was hyper and bursting with energy and would giggle at anything. When he was buzzed, he was cuddly and clinging and latched onto any source of warmth near him with Hyunjin or Felix being his most frequent victim. When he was drunk, he was sad. He’d cry over anything and everything and just lay as a lump. 

Right now, Seungmin was buzzed. Felix was just so warm and everyone else was just so loud and Seungmin needed a nice cuddle session after all the stress of college midterms. The song had just changed to “Fix You” and Seungmin felt himself slip more into his completely drunk self. The soft intro of the song was just so soothing and carried him away. As he listened closely to the words of the song Seungmin was reminded of just everything that sucked in his life. He had barely gotten through midterms and he just felt like he wasn’t enough to get through his classes. Everyone thought he was naturally smart and just good at studying, but Seungmin actually had a hard time in a lot of his classes. He didn’t want to ask anyone for help because he didn’t want people to think he wasn’t good enough. 

School was the least of his worries though. Everything seemed to be not on his side, and on top of the typical stress and mid-life crises a college freshman experiences, he had just gone through a rough breakup. Seungmin was dating a really hot sophomore, Seo Changbin, and he was really happy. He thought their relationship was going pretty well and he was getting used to his first serious relationship until Changbin had asked to meet him at a café after his Literature class had ended. Seungmin hadn’t expected the words that came from Changbin’s mouth: “Sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong, but I just didn’t feel anything special with our relationship.” 

They hadn’t ended on bad terms but Seungmin couldn’t help but feel hurt. He knew that it had just been a week since they had broken up and he needed time, but deep down he knew that the hurt went deeper than losing a really hot and sweet boyfriend. He didn’t feel anything special. Their relationship wasn’t anything special. Seungmin wasn’t anything special. 

Recalling the memories of their breakup brought actual tears to Seungmin’s eyes and he focused on Felix’s warmth as he softly sang along to the words, _“Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones.”_ He wished he could have that kind of comfort and certainty in his life. 

Felix looked down as he heard Seungmin sniffle and tightened his hug when he noticed the silent tears streaming down his face. Seungmin was glad for his friend’s silent comfort and snuggled closer and maybe just for tonight, he would be okay. 

But of course, Seungmin was life’s favorite joke and Seungmin had provided the opportunity for the punchline. 

“AYYYY, look who finally showed up,” someone yelled. Seungmin was startled out of his hazy state and he opened his eyes to see someone hugging a new person who just arrived. He was dressed in all black from head to toe and Seungmin knew that outfit too well. 

Seo Changbin. 

Changbin greeted the guy back loudly before making his way more into the room and find Chan. He noticed that Changbin wasn’t alone and that he showed up with a girl that looked familiar to Seungmin. He recognized who it was after a few seconds. 

Shin Ryujin. 

She was a lovely girl and everyone adored her for her sweet but chic personality. 

Of course Changbin would go for someone like her. 

His friends noticed as Seungmin’s face fell and they all looked in the direction he was looking and they took in a sharp breath. “Maybe we should go to a different room,” said Felix as he started to get up. 

“Yeah, this room is getting kind of boring, let’s go somewhere else,” said Hyunjin with an unsure laugh as he side-glanced at Seungmin. They were starting to get up and Hyunjin was pulling a drunk Seungmin somewhere when Changbin decided to look away from his conversation with Chan and straight in their direction. 

He locked eyes with Seungmin and Seungmin felt himself freeze. 

A cold feeling ran down his body as he looked into the warm but fiery hazel eyes that shined even with the dim lighting of the room. His eyes were still the same alluring eyes that Seungmin had fallen for. Changbin gave him a tight smile and looked back at Chan. Seungmin was still frozen from the odd coldness that overwhelmed him. 

Changbin looked fine, great actually. 

He looked even buffer than he did when Seungmin had last seen him. 

Only Seungmin wasn’t fine. Only his eyes had lost their shine. Changbin could care less about losing Seungmin from his life. Seungmin was so pathetic. 

He felt Hyunjin drag him to the balcony while Felix rubbed his back up and down. Seungmin allowed him to be blindly dragged by his friends and when the cold air hit his skin it was like he had broken the surface after being forced underwater for too long. 

“Minnie,” Hyunjin said softly as Seungmin leaned against him. 

“Yes,” Seungmin weakly replied. He was trying his hardest to not let the tears show but they just wouldn’t stop falling. 

Seungmin was weak like that. 

“Minnie, are you okay,” Hyunjin asked, voice full of concern and gentleness, even though he already knew the answer. 

“Wow, that was a dick move. I can’t believe he showed up to the party with a new girl a week after you guys broke up acting like nothing happened at all,” said Felix with a sigh. 

“I can’t believe he looked at you and even smiled at you, does he not know how he made you feel,” scoffedHyunjin with a heated tone to suggest that he had been wanted to say more but held back. 

Felix turned to Seungmin in all seriousness. “I can go punch him if you want, he deserves it.” 

“Guys, it’s okay. I don’t want to think about Changbin tonight,” said Seungmin as he looked down, hair flopping over his eyes. “Come on, let’s go back in. I want to drink more.” 

“Are you sure, Minnie?” Hyunjin looked at Seungmin with a concerned glance. 

“Yes, I just want to have fun tonight and not have to think about anything or anyone. Please,” said Seungmin, shining his puppy eyes that he knew his friends couldn’t say no to. 

“Okay fine, we’ll go back in but anytime you want to leave, we will,” said Felix. 

And with that, they went back into the apartment but opted to go upstairs so Seungmin wouldn’t have to see Changbin with his new girlfriend. 

After getting settled, Seungmin was seated on the couch squashed in between Felix and Hyunjin nursing his drink in one hand while his other half was flapping around as he listened to “Gone Girl” blast over the speakers. He was actually having fun and enjoying himself. Seungmin was sure that they looked so dumb but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he lost himself over the music. 

Seungmin needed to pee so he tapped Hyunjin to get him to release his grip over his arm so he could get up to go to the bathroom. 

Seungmin as he stood up and turned to look at his friends. “I need to go pee, be right back,” 

“I’ll go with you,” slurred Hyunjin as he also started to get up. 

“No, it’s fine you stay here,” Seungmin said, pushing Hyunjin back to the couch and walking away. 

Seungmin pushed past all the people drunkenly dancing and he led himself down a narrow hallway until he found the familiar door he was looking for. He pushed the door open and was blinded by the bright yellow lights of the bathroom when he flipped the switch. He weakly pushed close the door and locked it and went to use the bathroom. 

When he was done, he flushed the toilet and stumbled over to the sink. He turned the water on and leaned against the sink as he washed his hands. He splashed his face with some cold water and brought himself to look up. 

What a mess. 

Seungmin stared at his reflection as he examined his puffy, red eyes, his ruffled hair, his half-lidded eyes, and the overall greyness that washed over his complexion. He brought his head down when all he could feel was wrong, nothing. 

He felt the dull ache in his heart that tugged at his whole being so strongly yet still seemed to feel like nothing. 

Even his sadness was empty. 

He could the music from the party faintly, but nothing could be louder than his thoughts. He felt so much yet nothing at all. 

While his mind seemed to be preoccupied with torturing him, his hands seemed to have a mind of their own and before he could realize what he was actually doing, his fingers were already hitting the send button to the message: 

_“i miss you._

_please come back to me.”_

Seungmin’s face paled when he saw who the message was sent to: Seo Changbin. 

“Fuck,” Seungmin cursed out loud, “Fuck, fuck what did I fucking do.” 

Seungmin was internally panicking as he had just drunk texted his ex saying he missed him and now he was completely sure that he looked like a fucking loser. 

He could play it off if he had sent the wrong message to him, _but who would he say that the message was actually for?_

He decided that he would just avoid Changbin for the rest of the night and hope that the other would never bring it up or maybe wouldn’t even open his text. 

Seungmin slumped against the wall with his hands in his head as he let out a loud sigh, “How am I so dumb. Fuck I just drunk texted Changbin.” 

_No. I don’t fucking care. I’m over Changbin. I’m not going to let him affect me in any way._

After giving himself a small pep talk, he finally made his way out of the bathroom as he had been in there long enough that he was sure his friends were looking for him. 

Seungmin turned a corner and just as he was about to head into the main room, he saw _him_. 

Seo fucking Changbin. 

Seungmin panicked and he froze as he started to consider his options. 

He could try to sneak away and pass by him but he was right there and would totally notice Changbin. 

He could only run back into the bathroom and hide but he was sure that his clumsy ass would cause a commotion and draw more attention to him that Changbin would notice him that way too. 

He was still considering his options when Changbin looked over in his direction and they locked eyes. 

Seungmin noticed the pity in Changbin’s eyes as he made his way over to him and Seungmin let go of any rationale that he had in him. 

He grabbed the stranger who was standing next to him and with a quick “Sorry I have to do this” crashed his lips into his. 

Their kiss was a messy kiss of clashing teeth and chapped lips and a lot of tongue but Seungmin couldn’t care less as he hoped that it would make Changbin go away at least for tonight. Seungmin was too drunk to tell himself that this wasn’t okay and he was kissing a complete stranger but he strangely wasn’t completely bothered by it. The stranger was actually really good at kissing and his lips were just so warm and soft. Seungmin had no idea if Changbin was still there or not but right now his attention was just on the kiss. The kiss turned salty and it was only then that Seungmin noticed the tears that were dripping down his face and mixing into the kiss. 

If only it was Changbin that he was kissing right now. 

His behavior was so uncharacteristically Seungmin that he just decided “fuck it” and tonight he would just let go. He let himself get more into the kiss and maybe tonight he wasn’t “perfect Seungmin”. 

The kiss was the last thing he remembered before the tiredness and alcohol overtook him and his vision went black. 

*** 

Seungmin and Changbin were complete opposites. He should’ve known that he and Changbin wouldn’t have worked out from the start. He had been introduced to him through Chan. Seungmin was the shy and cute chemistry major who was more of the wallflower type while Changbin was the hot music major with the tattoos and the piercings that made him the bad boy of everyone’s dreams. Seungmin avoided Changbin for the longest time because he felt a little intimidated by him and his aura and Seungmin couldn’t hold a conversation with Changbin without stuttering or looking away from his gaze. 

Their game of chase and run had eventually stopped when Changbin had asked him on a date completely out of the blue. Seungmin reluctantly agreed to the date and it had been one of the best days he’d ever had. In the following weeks, they went on a bunch of impromptu and casual dates and Seungmin found himself being the most comfortable around Changbin. Changbin was daring, unpredictable, something new, but at the same time, he was reliable, comfortable, caring. 

Until a few months later when he broke Seungmin’s heart. 

Seungmin thought that maybe he was as special to Changbin as Changbin was special to him. But Seungmin should’ve known that eventually Changbin would’ve moved on when he got tired of Seungmin and found someone better. 

Seungmin had cried for days. He curled himself into the soft comfort of his bed and didn’t move for days. It took days of Hyunjin’s prying and pulling for Seungmin to finally leave the dark hole that was his room. 

His breakdown was uncharacteristic of him and definitely not one of his proudest moments. 

And now, Seungmin had to face another one of his not proudest moments that happened when he was shitfaced drunk last night. 

Seungmin woke up that morning feeling absolutely terrible and with an aggravating headache. His head was pounding and his vision was blurry. He was hit with familiar nausea and soon he was rushing to hurl himself out of bed and in the direction of his bathroom. He doubled over the toilet and out came everything from last night. 

Seungmin puked his guts out until he was sure there was nothing left in his stomach and he dragged himself up and washed his mouth and face. 

He stared at his puffy face and took note of his especially puffy eyes. _Shit. Changbin._

It all came back to him: the drunk text, avoiding Changbin, the kiss. _Oh, Fuck. He had kissed a complete stranger. Not only kissed but had a full-on heated make-out session with._

Seungmin could deal with the make-out as for one: he was drunk, two: he was at a party, and three: it was a complete stranger. 

His fuck up with Changbin was harder to ignore. Seungmin groaned loudly as he made his way out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. He was sure that Hyunjin was awake right now and maybe Hyunjin could help him solve his dilemma. Hyunjin always knew what to do. 

Sure enough, Hyunjin was bright awake and looking way too energetic considering that it was only 9 AM on a Saturday and he had drunk just as much, if not more, than Seungmin yesterday. “Look who’s finally up, sleepyhead. I’m surprised you’re even standing right now.” 

“Very funny Hyunjin. How the fuck are you so cheery this early.” Seungmin gladly took the cup of coffee that Hyunjin had handed him and the plate of eggs and toast that smelled heavenly. 

“I’m just a naturally happy person unlike your grumpy ass,” Hyunjin said as he ruffled Seungmin’s hair and got a loud whine from Seungmin, unhappy that his hair was being messed with. 

Seungmin took a big bite of the perfectly browned toast before looking up at Hyunjin. “That reminds me. So, I kind of fucked up yesterday and I need your help.” 

“Oh yeah, I meant to ask. What happened yesterday? You just walked off to the bathroom and next thing I knew Lee Minho was depositing a passed out Seungmin on Felix and I’s lap.” Hyunjin looked at Seungmin while he scooted in the seat next to him and set down his plate. “Something happen?” Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Seungmin. 

Seungmin dropped his fork and looked at Hyunjin with wide eyes. “Lee Minho? The Lee Minho?” 

“Yeah, that Lee Minho. Calm down, I was just joking,” said Hyunjin with a startled tone before continuing, “Why, is that what your fuck up is about?” 

“Fuck,” Seungmin slumped over, his head hitting the counter, and started whining to himself. 

This just kept getting worse and worse. 

He thought that he would only have to deal with Changbin but now he had to deal with Lee Minho? 

How the fuck could he drunk make out with Lee Minho. 

If it was anyone else, Seungmin could care less. 

But this was Lee Minho. 

He was Chan’s friend but Seungmin didn’t really know him and only knew about him through the rumors that were spread about him through campus. He was a known asshole and wouldn’t hesitate to hurt anyone who messed with him or his friends. He was still ridiculously pretty and hot at the same time so he was known to mess around with whoever before he cruelly dropped them. 

Lee Minho only cared about himself and his friends. 

A concerned Hyunjin put his hand on Seungmin’s shoulder. “Seungmin?” 

Seungmin lifted his head from the countertop with a loud sigh before locking eyes with Hyunjin. “No, that wasn’t what my fuck up was about but that makes things worse.” 

“My fuck up was drunk texting Changbin and looking like a pathetic loser who isn’t over his ex.” Seungmin pulled out his phone and showed Hyunjin the texts he sent to Changbin. Hyunjin read the texts and looked at Seungmin with a glance mixed full of pity and concern. 

Seungmin hated it when his friends looked at him like that. 

“Seung, just ignore him. Just forget about him. He probably won’t respond to the texts. Before you know it, you’ll be over him,” assured Hyunjin and Seungmin felt momentary relief until he remembered his other fuck up. 

Seungmin let out another loud sigh before saying, “That’s not just it. There’s more.” 

“More?” 

Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut. “I made out with Lee Minho.” 

“What?” Hyunjin screeched as he jumped out of his chair and looked at Seungmin with wide eyes. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Seungmin added in quickly. “I was really drunk and I saw Changbin after I just texted him. I didn’t know what to do--- and, and I just grabbed the person next to me without thinking and started kissing them to avoid Changbin but then we got carried away and the next thing I knew, we were having a heated make-out session. I didn’t know that it was Lee Minho,” Seungmin rambled on as he looked down at his hands that were in his lap. 

“And he let you keep making out with him?” Hyunjin looked at Seungmin with a mix of bewilderment, amazement, fear, and concern. 

Seungmin just nodded. 

“It doesn’t matter. He probably doesn’t remember it or know who you are. Plus, he even if he does, he probably just thinks it’s a drunk hookup. Just be careful around Lee Minho, he’s just a pure asshole and won’t hesitate to hurt you. I won’t let him go near you.” Hyunjin rubbed Seungmin’s shoulder before drawing him into a warm hug and Seungmin was just glad that he always had Hyunjin. 

Seungmin let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and just snuggled into Hyunjin’s embrace. But now Seungmin had both Changbin and Minho to avoid around campus. 

*** 

Seungmin was never particularly a morning person. He would’ve preferred sleeping in before his morning classes started at 11 AM in the silence of his own room to the loud blaring alarm that was playing at 7:30 AM but his university loans weren’t going to pay them off themselves. 

So, he begrudgingly hauled himself out of his plush sheets and stumbled his way over to his phone that was sitting on his desk. He was never in a particular rush to turn off his alarm because he never needed to worry about waking up Hyunjin since he slept like the dead. 

He looked at his phone and the screen lit up and he saw the bright: “7:36 AM TUESDAY” 

He couldn’t blame himself for his reluctance to get out of bed this morning because he didn’t usually work the Tuesday morning shift. Seungmin usually worked on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday but his friend Jisung had asked him to cover his shift since he had an interview with some producing company. He was going to say no since he didn’t want to work four times in a week but Jisung gave him his puppy eye stare with his wide eyes and Seungmin just couldn’t say no. So now here he was, early in the morning, shuffling through his dark room trying to get himself to the bathroom to get ready for the day. 

Thirty minutes later, Seungmin was putting on his shoes after he gathered all his things for the day and then walking out the door to catch his 8:30 shift. Seungmin worked at a small, cozy café that was about a 10-minute walk from his university but a 20-minute walk from his apartment. The owner, Jimin, was a nice woman in her late 20s that was more like a sister figure to Seungmin and the rest of the staff. The café was moderately popular but Seungmin mostly worked during the morning so he didn’t really catch their midday rush-hour crowd. 

Seungmin arrived at the back door of the café and made his way into their staff room. He saw that Jimin was already there and he waved at her with a bright smile and she returned it back. 

His other coworker for this shift was a high schooler called Jeongin. Jeongin was cute and everyone loved him but Seungmin never really worked the same shifts as him. Jeongin was bright, energetic, and loud and at first Seungmin didn’t think that he would really get along with him. He was exact opposite of Jeongin, but Jeongin flashed his signature smile and had such an enthusiastic look in his eyes whenever he talked to Seungmin that Seungmin really couldn’t bring himself to dislike him. 

They checked that everything was ready to open the café and Jimin stayed in the back as Jeongin and Seungmin made their way to the front. Opening shifts weren’t really that busy so Seungmin was just tidying their display counter and the cups while Jeongin was tidying up the chairs and tables. The shift went pretty well and it was a chill morning until 20 minutes before Seungmin was supposed to get off his shift. 

Seungmin was so close to having an unproblematic day but there was never an unproblematic day in the life of Kim Seungmin. 

Seungmin was in the middle of preparing a vanilla latte for a customer when he heard the door jingling indicating that another customer had come in. 

“I’ll be there in a ---” Seungmin looked up while yelling just to freeze when he saw who it was. 

Lee Minho. 

“A second.” Seungmin quickly looked back down at the drink in his hand while silently cursing whatever force in the universe decided that it would be a funny prank to have Minho show up at his workplace. 

Seungmin would’ve had Jeongin take Minho’s order because he was too much of a coward to face Minho but unfortunately Jeongin was in the bathroom right now. 

Seungmin called out the ready order for the customer before turning around to the front register with shaky steps. _It’s okay Seungmin just act neutral. He probably doesn’t even remember anything. Just act like you don’t know him._

“What can I get for you today?” Seungmin was surprised how smooth his voice came out, but his confidence quickly faded when he saw the disgruntled but confused expression on Minho’s face. 

“Is something wrong?” _Shit. Did he recognize Seungmin?_

“Where’s Jisung?” Minho finally said after a long pause. Seungmin let out the breath that he didn’t even notice he was holding. 

“Oh, he had something come up and he asked me to take his shift today. You know Jisung?” 

Minho ignored Seungmin’s question and all he said in response was, “One caramel macchiato. That’s all.” 

Seungmin felt embarrassed being blatantly rejected in his attempt to make innocent small conversation with the well-known asshole that was Lee Minho. Maybe that was what made Seungmin keep talking but the words came out before Seungmin could even register them. 

“Hey, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m sorry about what happened last weekend I don’t ---” 

Minho looked at Seungmin with a cold stare and said, “Look I really don’t care,” and with that he handed Seungmin his card. 

Seungmin immediately looked down as he swiped the card and didn’t dare to look back up at Minho. He handed his card back to him and his receipt as he scampered off to make his drink. 

Not only had he embarrassed himself in front of Minho, but also he probably made the junior hate him by trying to talk to him and apologize for something he probably didn’t even remember. 

He quickly made Minho’s caramel macchiato and called out his order for Minho to take. Minho was walking up to the counter when Jeongin came back from the bathroom and Seungmin looked up when he heard Jeongin squeak. 

“Oh hyung! You’re here! Wow I almost missed you, it’s nice to see you again!” Jeongin looked at Minho with an excited stare as he ran over to the male. 

Minho’s glance softened and he raised a hand to ruffled Jeongin’s hair. “Hey Jeongin, it’s nice to see you again. Sorry I haven’t really been coming around since finals season and I really have to get to class. I’ll talk to you some other time.” Jeongin nodded and waved goodbye to Minho. 

Just as Minho was about to walk out the door, he turned back to them and with an unreadable expression, he stared straight at Seungmin. “I do remember you.” And he just walked off. 

Seungmin stood there frozen with shock while Jeongin turned to Seungmin. “Are you close with Minho?” 

Seungmin stared at Jeongin in disbelief. “I know of him. You know him?” 

Jeongin chirped up as he excitedly explained, “Minho hyung is a regular here! He mostly comes on Tuesday and Thursday but he hasn’t been coming in recently because of his exams. You don’t know him? He’s Jisung’s friend!” 

Seungmin knew that he was Jisung’s friend. He was actually surprised that they were friends as Jisung was a ray of literal sunshine while Minho more like rain clouds and thunder. Minho was actually close friends with both Chan and Jisung, also two of Seungmin’s closest friends, but Seungmin had never dared cross paths with Lee Minho. 

“We go to the same university, but I’ve never really spoken to him.” 

Jeongin looked Seungmin with a surprised face, “That’s a shame. Hyung is really funny and nice.” 

Seungmin looked back at Jeongin with a surprised face. “I’m sure he is. I’ll be going now I have to head to class.” 

“Bye!” 

Seungmin turned to walk to the back where his stuff was. As he was taking off his apron, he couldn’t help but think about what just happened. 

_One thing is for certain. Lee Minho sure is something._

*** 

Seungmin was fucking stressed. 

He was stressed stressed. He felt like he was going to explode but collapse on himself at the same time. 

Finals week was coming in two weeks and all his professors decided that now would be the best time to assign essays and projects for their classes. Not only did Seungmin have to study for his finals, but also he had to finish his literature paper, chemistry post lab write up and biology presentation all by next week. 

Seungmin just wanted to ground to come and swallow him up and maybe he could finally get some rest that way. 

Seungmin was so out of it that he didn’t even notice Jisung and Felix were heading his way until he quite nearly walked straight into them. 

“Woah, Seungmin, you good there?” Felix looked at Seungmin with a concerned stare. 

“Huh? Oh, Jisung, Felix, I didn’t see you there,” 

“Well that’s quite clear since you nearly knocked us over,” Jisung snorted, “Are you sure you’re doing alright?” 

“I’m just a little tired. Finals is coming up and all my professors are literally piling up the work. I’ve barely had time to rest and I’ll be getting even less sleep next week,” Seungmin said with a pout. 

He didn’t even bother to smooth out his appearance before coming to class and he was pretty sure that he didn’t want to even look at his reflection in a mirror. 

Felix looked at him with sympathy as he rubbed his arm, “Aw man that sucks. You’re taking some pretty hard classes Seung. Make sure you don’t overwork yourself.” 

“I’ll try to, Mom.” 

Felix raised his arm to smack Seungmin but Seungmin let out a loud yelp as he jumped to hide behind Jisung. Felix gave him an unimpressed glare while Seungmin, like the responsible adult he is, stuck his tongue out at him. 

Jisung watched the sight with an amused expression before deciding that it was enough, “Anyways, can I just say, the lab report for Mr. Heo’s class took so long for me to finish. I stayed up all night checking that my calculations were correct and paying extra attention to my significant figures because that fucker is always so particular.” 

Seungmin still for a second behind Jisung. “Fuck.” 

“What is it Seung?” 

“I forgot to print out my report. What am I going to do?” Seungmin looked at Jisung and Felix with a look full of despair. 

How could he be so careless? He was so swamped up with his other coursework that he completely ignored the report that was due today even though he wrote himself a reminder in his notebook. This was a major grade for their chemistry class and Seungmin had forgotten to even print out his report. 

He could go to the school’s academic center to print it out but just to his luck they started to replace the tiles in the roof that were damaged from the heavy rain season they had last year so it was closed off. 

His apartment was way too far to go back to so that was out of question. 

Seungmin glanced down at his watch and saw that he only had 15 minutes before his afternoon classes started. He needed to think fast or else he wouldn’t get out of class until 4 and the report was due to Mr. Heo’s inbox at 4:30. 

_Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Think Seungmin, think._ Seungmin felt like the world around him was starting to blur and he didn’t know what to do to make it stop. Of course he made such a critical mistake. If he failed this class 

“Whoa, Seung, you have to breathe. Calm down for a second, you’re going to overstress yourself.” Seungmin couldn’t focus enough to tell who said that but that didn’t really matter to him at the moment. 

“What do you mean calm down, I just made the biggest screwup and I don’t know how I’m going to fix it.” 

“It’s okay, Seung. How about this, I finish class at 2 so I’ll go back to my apartment and print it out for you” Felix held Seungmin’s hand. 

Seungmin looked at Felix with teary eyes, “Are you sure Lix?” 

“Yeah, Seung, it’s no big deal. I’d do anything to help you out. I’ll drop it off at your locker before you get out of class.” 

Seungmin felt like he could finally breathe, “Oh my gosh Lix, thank you so much! I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

Felix ruffled Seungmin’s hair, “No problem, Seung.” 

Jisung ran a soothing hand down Seungmin’s back, “Come on, we’re gonna be late to class. We should get going. See ya later Lix,” 

Seungmin and Felix said their goodbyes and Jisung and Seungmin headed off to their class. Seungmin felt a little better after knowing that he would be able to turn in his paper on time but he couldn’t shake the little anxious part of him that remained. Needless to say, Seungmin could not focus on class. He knew he wouldn’t be able to shake the anxiousness until he turned in his paper and on top of that, he was even more exhausted and the professor’s monotone voice was not helping either. 

As soon as class ended, Seungmin gave Jisung a quick goodbye hug and rushed out of the room to his locker. Jisung asked Seungmin if he wanted him to go with him but Seungmin refused the offer since he noticed the weather was starting to look bad and he didn’t want to hold Jisung up. 

He sighed in relief as he saw his paper and ran over to Mr. Heo’s room to give it to him. Seungmin was completely exhausted and could not wait to finally get home but his encounter with Mr. Heo took way longer than he expected to because Mr. Heo wanted to talk to Seungmin about all the great work he’d done the past semester. 

Seungmin was grateful, but all he wanted to do was sleep the next day away. 

After 20 minutes, Seungmin was finally on his way back to his apartment but just to his luck, 5 minutes into his walk, he felt the first rain drop. He thought he could keep walking home in the drizzling rain but the downpour turned heavy real soon and Seungmin silently cursed in his mind. 

He didn’t have an umbrella or a jacket and he did not have the patience to wait for the ran to stop or for a bus. Sighing to himself he stood there for a solid 10 minutes cursing his luck. 

Seungmin sniffled as he thought, “Everything was just not going right today and Seungmin started today feeling off and everything was just not alright---” 

“You look dumb as fuck just standing there in the middle of the rain.” 

Seungmin whipped his head around and when he saw who it was, he cursed in his mind for probably the 1000th time that day. Of course it was Lee Minho who was seeing him like this. “What?” 

“It’s raining really heavily and you’re just standing there like a character from some bullshit movie who cries in the rain,” Minho looked unimpressed. 

“I don’t need your judgment okay. I just had a really rough day and I didn’t bring an umbrella or jacket and now I’m being criticized by someone who I don’t even know,” Seungmin tried to keep his voice level and neutral but the emotions from today were catching up to him and he was pretty sure that instead of coming off as annoyed he just sounded weak. He probably shouldn’t have been so snappy with Minho knowing his reputation but Seungmin was just so tired. 

Minho’s face turned from a look of judgment to a neutral one and he just stared at Seungmin almost as if he was examining him but not in a bad way. 

Seungmin wasn’t sure if he liked his neutral face any better. It almost felt like Minho was looking into his soul, reading Seungmin clearly and he didn’t like that feeling. 

“For someone who everyone says is so smart you seem to make a lot of dumb decisions,” Minho retorted. 

Seungmin was stunned by the rudeness of Minho and just as he was about to retort an insult back, Minho pushed the umbrella into Seungmin’s hands and pulled the hood of his windbreaker up. 

“You seem like you need it more than me,” Minho said with an arrogant smirk and with that, he was off. 

Seungmin stood there for a good few minutes stunned trying to process what the fuck just happened but he still couldn’t make sense of it. Minho had just stopped to insult Seungmin yet left him with his umbrella because Seungmin didn’t have one. 

Suddenly it didn’t seem that cold anymore and Seungmin was sure that most of the warmth was coming from his red cheeks. 

Seungmin still did not understand Lee Minho. 

*** 

“Oh Min, you’re back! I was worried you got caught up in the weather.” Hyunjin jumped up from the couch but when he noticed his wet hair and damp clothes, he ran over worriedly to his best friend. 

“Why are you wet? You’re gonna get sick, quick, go and change!” 

Seungmin just stood there. 

“Min? Are you okay? Wait is that your umbrella?” 

Seungmin finally moved and looked over at Hyunjin, “It’s Minho’s.” 

“Lee Minho?” 

Seungmin just nodded as he turned around to go take a shower. 

“Why do you have his umbrella?” Hyunjin shouted down the hall. 

*** 

Seungmin was tired. Really tired. 

It was one of those nights where there wasn’t anything that really set him off but nonetheless, he felt hurt. He just felt bad, empty. 

He laid sideways in bed while he stared at the bright numbers on his clock flashing mockingly at him: 2:54 AM. 

It was like his mind couldn’t shut off and every thought was running around too fast to even register what they were saying. It was too much but too empty at the same time. 

Seungmin was always like that, a living contradiction. He always couldn’t say what he meant and would always reject what he always wanted. 

He acted like he couldn’t care less about what everyone else thought about him when really he would absorb all their words and analyze them all until it tore him apart slowly. 

He acted like he didn’t need the approval of others when he was really too scared to let others know about the power they had over him and instead silently catered his actions for their acceptance. 

He acted like he hated attention and affection when really he just didn’t know how to ask for it or what to do with it once he received it. Honestly, sometimes he felt like he didn’t deserve the kindness of others, that he shouldn’t be allowed to even crave such things. 

Everyone knew him as the Kim Seungmin. 

The Kim Seungmin who was the perfect premed student and had such a bright future ahead of him. 

The Kim Seungmin who was nice and polite but also strong and pragmatic and was not someone to be messed with. 

The Kim Seungmin that everyone could count on and probably everyone’s mom wanted as a son or son in law. 

But only his friends knew the Kim Seungmin that sometimes overstressed himself to the point of exhaustion over some seemingly minimal things. 

Only his friends knew the Kim Seungmin that had days where he felt like complete nothing and utterly useless which makes him throw himself into work and other hobbies that filled his time when he would rather spend the whole entire day in bed. 

Only his friends knew the Kim Seungmin that stayed up nights on end studying for tests, finishing homework in fear of not meeting everyone’s expectations. 

Only his friends knew the Kim Seungmin that stayed awake in bed at night thinking the night away about all the things he could do wrong and all the things he could never do right. 

And only Seungmin knew the real Kim Seungmin. 

The Kim Seungmin that was sometimes so ashamed of who he was that he subtly avoided the people he cared about because he didn’t feel like he deserved to be around them or he was too scared of dragging them down. 

The Kim Seungmin that felt that the world was too small for him and when he tried to comfort himself by repeating the cliché “To the world, you may be someone but to someone you are the world,” it always failed because he remembered that he didn’t have that special anyone. No one. 

He knew that he was being dumb but sometimes he just couldn’t help it. There were surely people he knew that really cared about him and genuinely loved him, but he couldn’t help the childish thoughts that told him that he was never the most important person to anyone. 

Blinking away the tears that came to his eyes, Seungmin closed his eyes but he knew the solution was never that easy. He could close his eyes all he wanted, but sleep would never come. 

*** 

The next time Seungmin saw Minho was indeed at another party. Seungmin felt embarrassed whenever he saw him since it seemed like in all their interactions it was always Seungmin being dumb. But he didn’t really have to worry about doing something too embarrassing this time since it was a smaller party that Jisung was hosting with only his closest friends. It would be a chill party with some drinking but none of the intense drinking that was usually done at the bigger parties. 

Unfortunately, since Jisung was hosting it that meant that even people who Seungmin wasn’t as comfortable with as Minho and Changbin were there too. Jisung had asked Seungmin if he didn’t want him to invite Changbin, having heard about the texting incident, but Seungmin knew that Changbin was still one of Jisung’s closest friends and Seungmin didn’t want to come between them. 

Plus, Seungmin asking for Changbin to not come would make it seem like he wasn’t over him and Seungmin was totally over Changbin. 

At least, he had to look like he was over Changbin. 

But Seungmin wasn’t brave enough to face a confrontation with Changbin this early into the party so he was doing his best to subtly avoid him for now. He was nestled comfortably between Hyunjin and Felix on Jisung’s couch as he watched the two of them play some videogame on the TV screen. 

He heard the door opening and he looked up to see Chan entering. Seungmin waved at him as he waved back and Seungmin went back to watching Hyunjin and Felix. 

Seungmin looked up as Jisung called for everyone’s attention. Jisung was holding Chan’s hand and he looked slightly nervous but also slightly excited. 

“So, Chan and I have to make an announcement,” Jisung looked over at Chan who shot him a reassuring smile. “We’re dating.” 

Loud cheers and yells rang out in the room as some stood to give them their congrats or hugs. Seungmin was totally not looking at Minho but he seemed slightly off and Seungmin couldn’t tell why. _Weird._

Seungmin needed to go to the bathroom so he headed down the hall to use the bathroom. It seems like Seungmin could just never catch a break with him and bathrooms and parties because on his way back he caught sight of another person walking down the hall towards to bathroom. 

Changbin. 

Seungmin silently cursed in his mind and mentally prepared himself to have a conversation with Seungmin. The relationship had ended on okay terms and they were technically friends, but that didn’t make any of it less awkward. 

“Oh, hey Seungmin.” Changbin stopped as he looked at Seungmin. 

“Hey, Changbin. How are you,” Seungmin tried to make small talk. He saw the look of pity start to come on Changbin's face and he immediately knew where this conversation was heading. 

“I’ve been waiting for a chance to talk to you, but it seems like you’ve been avoiding me,” Changbin said with a small smile. He looked like he was joking but Seungmin knew there was an underlying seriousness to him. 

“No, no, I promise. I’m not avoiding you.” 

Changbin’s eyes softened for a second, “Seungmin, are you okay? I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable but if you still don’t feel that comfortable around me---” 

“No! That’s no it!” Seungmin winced a little from how loud he was. 

“Are you sure, you can be honest with me---” 

“No, I’m totally fine with you. We’re just friends. Actually, I’ve started seeing someone.” Seungmin bit his lip hard, _no I’m not, why are you saying this._

“Oh really? Who?” Changbin’s eyes had a teasing twinkle in them and Seungmin knew he was going to regret this. 

“No one special.” 

“Come on Seung, you can tell me.” Changbin used his nickname and Seungmin immediately knew he was screwed. 

“It’s Minho.” The words left his mouth before he could even comprehend what he was saying. 

_Fuck._

“Really? You and Minho?” Changbin looked incredulous and Seungmin couldn’t blame him. 

"Yeah but it’s nothing official yet. We’re still getting used to it,” Seungmin bit his lip. “Please don’t tell anyone yet.”

Changbin looked at Seungmin with a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry, I won’t. I hope you two work out. How did you guys start?" 

"We just started hanging out more and we just got closer." 

Changbin was about to say something when a loud "CHANGBIN" was yelled from the living room. They both startled and Changbin turned to Seungmin, "I guess that's my cue. We'll talk more later," and he was off. 

Seungmin slumped against the wall after Changbin was out of sight and cursed all the spirits above for playing with him like this. Wasn’t it enough that Seungmin had already embarrassed himself in front of Minho plenty of times, but now he had roped him into a fake relationship? And he told all this to Changbin?

Seungmin was screwed.


End file.
